Doing the Nasty

Well, this was awfully nice of them! Don't you just love how fashion makes everything look so beautiful and painless? It's like a wonderful fantastic dream.... I mean, of course, this is how I live and look ALL THE TIME! Thanks Devyn for the awesome shots. Thanks Jaclyn for the kind words. And Joanna Ewing, for making it all happen. You guys are super nasty.

Fruta Puta

Absolute madness has been going on in my life, folks. Sheer and absolute madness. The good kind, though. The kind that fills you up with a frantic frenetic energy that makes waking up at 5am totally worth it. I started working for Nasty Gal. They actually contacted ME and asked me to interview, so now I have a pretty sweet gig with probably the raddest company known to girlkind.

I'm also going to be featured on their blog pretty soon. Be on the look out for that, please, and when you notice how clean and pretty my house looks, be aware that I had a mini breakdown the night before while I was frantically cleaning the kitchen. (Somehow breakdowns always happen in the kitchen, don't they?)

I was wiping the counters and putting the dishes away when I just became overwhelmed by the possibility that things were NOT going to look the way I had wanted them to and I would be so disappointed and mad at myself for not doing all the things I wanted to do earlier-- I was freaking the fuck out.

I started crying a little at first, then I thought, 'Fuck it. Nobody else is in the kitchen. I'm all alone right now, so, I'm going to cry as much as I want to!' and I just let it out. Hard.

While I was crying, I felt extremely angry, and secretly, I wanted my boyfriend to walk into the kitchen and notice and be concerned and feel bad and guilty (though he was already helping out as much as he could!). But then, all of a sudden, I noticed I wasn't crying anymore, I was just doing what I needed to do, that episode passed so smoothly that I hardly noticed that I had stopped. My mood was calm and peaceful. The kind police officer of my mind had come and made way for the little ducklings and everything was totally happy and fine again. Everything was doable and manageable, and even if it was not perfect, who cares. I, magically, didn't anymore. It was weird, guys. But also awesome. Honor whatever feelings you're having, and eventually they will pass. Then you go back to your normal, happy medium. Hopefully, happy is your medium.

Anyways, this look was shot by my dear and amazing friend Timony Siobhan. Check out her Tumblr, too!

How to Choose

I find it very difficult to make decisions. When I'm given a menu, I scan the entire thing front to back, read all the descriptions, ask the other people in my party what they're ordering, read about those and compare it with what I think I might order. Then, when the waiter comes, I usually ask them what they recommend; if what they recommend isn't one of the 2 items I had in mind, then I ask them which of the 2 dishes I was vacillating between they like better. Then, I internally debate between the 3, and finally, after everyone's already finished their drinks and is ready for their second cocktail, I order. Okay, maybe it doesn't take me that long but I guarantee you that I am the last person to get their order taken.

I think this is an indication of a fear of commitment. I don't ever want to make a bad decision. I'm afraid of regret. This terrible trait renders me practically incapable of action sometimes, and that's bad. I think making choices are one of the most difficult things about growing up. How do you choose which career path to follow if you have many varied interests? How do you choose who to, gulp, marry!? Or when to have kids? I think the last two questions are the biggest choices in life and ones not to take lightly. However, I realize now, that picking a career or which school to go to or which field to study is not really all that important.

People change careers 5 to 7 times in their life. So, if you have an opportunity to try something you've always wanted to do, do it. Don't let fear hold you back. If you feel like quitting your current job to try your hand at something that truly speaks to you, it's better now than later, or never. If you don't know what to do, what career to choose, who you want to be, and how you want to spend your time, here is a question to ask yourself that might help to put things into perspective for you.

1. What are you most envious of?
Envy is considered a negative emotion but I think it can be a very valuable motivational tool. If you get envious every time you to go the theatre (to quote Megan Draper) then that's something inside of you telling you that you should quit advertising and give acting another shot.

The biggest piece of advice about how to choose? Choose to be grateful. Always.

And lucky for me, I'm only friends with people who don't mind sharing their food. ;)

Sick Gross Body Stuff

Do you know that rats can't vomit?
Since I am still recovering from spending every ounce of everything I had at Coachella, I'm led to the topic of sick gross body stuff in the form of phlegm and snot and whatnot. I'm blowing my nose and coughing every couple of minutes and it makes me think about what is just plain run-of-the-mill "Hey, sorry, excuse me but I'm sick" behavior and what is all-out public indecency and grossness. I tend to go with a personal barometer for that kind of thing--just what I feel is fine and what I think I should go to the bathroom and do in private. I remember in high school, there were kids who got up and grabbed a tissue and blew their nose while in class, and the kids who would go out of the classroom to blow their nose. I was the former.

I think I have a pretty big tolerance for human grossness. I don't immediately get nauseous when someone next to me vomits, I just feel bad for them and I try to avoid having it get on me. I mean, I don't LIKE the smell but I'm not going to go throw up over it. I just point my nose in a different direction and if the person's a friend, I pat their back or hold their hair and generally try to make them not feel embarrassed. When I have to vomit, I have a very nonchalant manner about it. I know I'll feel better afterward and I'm so grateful for the ability to get bad things out of my system that way.

However, I have been the designated driver of sick friends before and here is my advice about puking your guts out whilst in a moving vehicle. Don't. Please just tell the driver to pull over if you feel sick. Even a little bit. Just raise your voice and tell them before it's too late. Please do not do it out of the window while the driver is driving.

Now that I've spent a paragraph talking about snot and two paragraphs talking about barf, I'm not really sure where to go next except that it must suck for people who get so easily grossed out by normal bodily functions. I grew up around punk girls who would burp out loud, mid-sentence, and then continue with their speech without batting an eyelash. Also, since I live with my boyfriend and his 9-year old lives with us half the week, farts are pretty much the funniest things ever invented. Seriously, if you want to win kids over by cracking them up, just freshen up your fart jokes and say the word "butt" a lot. I'm not sure if Captain Underpants is to be blamed for this phenomena or if he's just the first genius to capitalize on it.

Also, are there still girls who don't fart in front of their boyfriends? I mean, I guess that's cool if your boyfriend also doesn't fart in front of you. That's a really sweet take-the-extra-mile-to-make-the-honeymoon-last type of thing, I think. But most dudes I know don't give a fuck and they will fart in front of their girlfriend, wife, grandma-- they don't give a fuck! So, I say, girls, unless you're dating some super gentleman no-farting kind of prince, then please just go ahead and fart, even the playing field a little bit, though I'm sure yours are nowhere near as disgusting as most dude ones are.

Ahem. (cough cough) (My own boyfriend's) <3

Coachella, I'm Yours...

I got hit with a gnarly cold as soon as I got back from Coachella. If you would like to read about my experience, please do so here: Coachella Tales: Wind, Rain, Drugs, and Tupac

Best Coachella ever! This picture was taken right after Dr. Dre and Snoop, as you can see I am still completely in the zone.

Ok, so what are you doing? Go read my article!
Coachella Tales: Wind, Rain, Drugs, and Tupac

A Huge Fan of Human Strangeness...

We watch a lot of reality TV at our house. A lot. We watch Survivor, Amazing Race, Dance Moms, Dance Moms Miami, Project Runway, Top Chef, Real Housewives, Real World, Jersey Shore...I'm sure there are others that we're missing. Our roommate has a big problem with this. His opinion, like that of many others, is that reality tv destroys your soul, or intelligence, or both... I would agree to a certain extent, if you're actually looking at all of these people as idols or somehow important because they're on TV.

As sad and uncomfortable as some of these shows are (ahem, ahem, Jersey Shore and cough, cough, the Real World), I think it's probably an accurate representation of real life in the sense that there are some really rad, amazing, generous, good-hearted people and some really horrible racist ignorant/evil (it's hard to tell the difference between them anymore-- two sides of the same coin!) people on reality TV. I'm definitely not a "fan" in the sense that I admire Snooki's brazen panties-off drunkenness or Abby Lee Miller's dance training technique, but I'm a huge fan of human strangeness.



And, of course, Marc Bolan.

Weird Asian Atheist in Las Vegas

I was born and raised in a city most people are only familiar with during trade shows or weekend benders. It's a place that many view as devoid of culture or substance. Most people associate it with booze, gambling and strip clubs--the fabulous city of Las Vegas.

Growing up, it was home. I loved the all-you-can-eat buffets and the arcades (R.I.P. Wet 'N Wild). I think it wasn't until I got the internet, sometime in 6th grade, that I started to realize other people's perception of Las Vegas. After given the ubiquitous greeting A/S/L? Their next question always was, Las Vegas? Do you live an a hotel?

I started to realize that most people don't think of Las Vegas as a real city with inhabitants and citizens and children and schools. It's adult disneyland. Surely, there can't be children or schools or churches. That's normal stuff for normal cities. But Las Vegas has a lot of those--especially churches.

I grew up in a master-planned community called Summerlin, it was known for its safety, its gated communities, it was essentially the best place to raise a family for the middle class. It was where I grew up, in a sub community called The Pueblo (Amongst them were The Trails, The Hills, and so forth). Practically every house looked the same with slight variations. Each neighborhood had about 4 house models, and every single house was either one of those 4 models AKA a tract home.

We were always the only Asian family for a couple blocks. Throughout elementary and middle school, I was the only Asian person in my class. It's weird growing up different because you feel your difference, everyone else is "normal" and you and especially your family are "weird." I felt weird for most of my life. I mean, I still feel weird occasionally, but in a different way.

I didn't want to feel weird. I was embarrassed by my family, their Chinese-ness, their language, customs and traditions. I didn't know what to say when classmates asked me "Why?" I didn't know how to answer those questions, their accusations and stereotypes. They would pull on their eyes and shout nonsensical "Chinese" words and I would look away and feel my face turn red.

Las Vegas is a dichotomy. There are all the things that go along with it being called Sin City but there is also a huge Christian community. Besides being the only Chinese person, I also wasn't raised with a religion. Every one of my classmates went to church on Sundays, the Mormons would have some sort of Mormon class they would go to before school, and the Catholics were always participating in Lent or catechism, and everyone was always going on retreats and church activities.

My parents were atheist to the point of being anti-theist. My mom went to a Catholic school in Hong Kong where she grew up and I think she witnessed a lot of hypocrisy and insanity. She told me stories of friends giving their lives to Jesus and sees that as them essentially giving up on life altogether. She always warned me to be careful of being brainwash, the worst thing that someone could do to you was cause you to stop thinking for yourself. When I asked her about God, she told me I didn't need to believe in anything but myself.

As I got older, I went from being embarrassed to being proud of them, their accomplishments in life, their ability to thrive in a place that was unfamiliar and possibly hostile, their morals and values. It wasn't led by a religion or something they were told, it was through their experience and contemplation. I think spirituality and beliefs are extremely important, hopefully they come from you,and hopefully they help you feel safe, secure, and better about the world. Hopefully they make you happy.

Obviously, my parents aren't perfect but I'm grateful. They're still in Las Vegas and yeah, they're still pretty weird, in other ways.